NU students are fed up

Students from Norwich University are taking a stand.

Over the past four years there has been a drastic rise in the number of bars and night clubs opening up in Northfield. These places have been attracting young people from all over central Vermont and making it more difficult for the students at Norwich to get work done.

This past year alone, four new night watering holes have opened named "Only Attractive People," a Techno music club; "They Lost Again," a sports bar; "Security Gave Me Another Parking Ticket and Towed My Car This Time Those Expletive Deletives," a more trendy upscale location; and "Sweet Lew's," an open-to-everybody hip hop club which is actually really struggling.

This influx of local partying has added additional stress on many of the students attending Norwich University. There have been many complaints of loud music and drunken people through all hours of the day and night which disrupt the strict study hours that responsible students from Norwich keep.

Sophomore Emmett Smarts, an economics major from Smithtown, Nevada, has noticed the severe difference. "My GPA last spring was a 4.0 and now this fall it's a 3.99. If it drops another tenth of a point because of all this irresponsible partying, I'm going to lose it."

The student council has recently decided to make Norwich an extra-dry campus, which means that no alcohol is allowed within a 10-mile radius of the grounds. It also passed the One Chance Rule, a rigid set of guidelines that states if any student or faculty is caught with alcohol, drinks alcohol, walks into a store that sells alcohol, sees somebody else touch a refrigerator that holds alcohol, reads a book where the main character thought about alcohol, or even hears the word alcohol, then they would have to complete a mandatory six-week rehabilitation program at a facility, followed by an intense psychoanalytical outpatient program before being readmitted back into school.

Temperance Jones, a junior delegate on the student council from Florida, has made it very clear they mean business. "You think we're messing around? Come within a 10-mile radius with that T-Rex Urine and I'll vap you so fast, you'll think Katrina felt like hours."

Northfield has yet to be rated on Playboy's Top 100 College Party Towns, but by the looks of things it is surly getting some honorable mention votes.

"Party Town? It better not be! This ain't Gainesville, Florida! I came to Norwich for one thing only: ACADEMICS! I'll transfer so fast," said Peter Booker, an academic from Canada.

Time will only tell the outcome for the students here at Norwich, but if they have anything to do with it, get ready for an outbreak of churches, libraries and nunneries.