Tying the Knot

What is the story behind the many "engaged" relationship statuses on Facebook? The answer is love, according to recently graduated and current Norwich students.

"I just got lucky and happened to meet my person I was supposed to be with early in life," said Shelbie Holland, a 20-year-old senior chemistry major from San Antonio, Texas.

Holland has dated her fiancé, Ryan Koch, for over two years, and became engaged last March. She said that Koch, who graduated last May, did not commission, but she will be in the Navy after her graduation. The wedding is set for this March during spring break.

Kate Rademacher, a 21-year old senior nursing major from Wilson, N.Y., is also engaged to a recent N.U. graduate. Rademacher and Will Abbott, '10, began dating her sophomore year, got engaged last August and will be married next August. He is in the Army, and she will be in the Air Force.

Rademacher said that "desire for each other" is most important factor in marriage. "I think as long as there's the desire there for each other, no matter what state of well-being or life you are in, you'll make it work."

Holland had different characteristics in mind. "Trust and openness" are the most important factors in marriage, she said, adding that "you need to be able to be blunt with each other, too."

Mallory Clark, a 20-year old junior biology major from Homer City, Penn., said she is "very happy" for her engaged friends. "Sometimes I think college is too young, but in cases, it works out for people," she said.

While not entirely against getting engaged, Clark said, "I would not want to get married still in school."

Savannah Dean (formerly Bridges), a 22-year old senior nursing major from Arlington, Wash., chose to marry the summer before her senior year.

"When we're together, it's wonderful. It's really nice to have somebody that knows you so well," Dean said. However, she said, now that she and her husband are apart, "It's harder."

"This summer, I got to start my life and do my own thing," Dean explained. "We got into a routine, and then I uprooted myself, and got put back here, where I have a roommate — and it's not him."

Dean's husband, Jolsen, is an infantry Marine, which is a large reason they have spent so much time apart. They began dating senior year of high school, and they became engaged before the Christmas of Dean's sophomore year at Norwich.

Dean said that many assumptions came with her engagement and marriage. "A lot of people thought I was going to drop out of school," she said. "People thought, ‘She must be pregnant!' Once we got married, they thought I was going to get pregnant and drop out of school."

Zachary Stanton, a 2011 Norwich graduate, received a different, humorous reaction to his engagement. "Most of our rook buddies already thought we were married, even before we were engaged," he said.

Stanton married Catherine, another 2011 graduate, this September, after dating since the end of their freshman year.

Like the Deans, the Stantons have spent a significant portion of their married time apart. Of their three months of marriage, Stanton has spent only one with his wife because he is in tech school for the Air Force, and she is trying to find a job.

Being part of Norwich has affected students' weddings in different ways.

"We were both from Alpha Company, so at our wedding, we naturally had the groom's cake in the shape of a gator," Stanton said.

Holland said that Norwich helped her fiancé prepare for being a military spouse. Additionally, many mutual Norwich friends will be in the bridal party.

In Rademacher's wedding, there will be Norwich bridesmaids and groomsmen, as well as school traditions like the arc of swords.

Dean said that Norwich students added to her wedding day by playing piano, being in the bridal party and helping to decorate and do dishes.

"We're having (my) wedding here (at Norwich) in May," said Felicia Jones, a 21-year old senior biology major from Sherburne, N.Y. She said her ceremony with RJ Racine would take place in the White Chapel with Reverend Wick officiating.

Family and friends have had varying reactions to students' engagements.

Holland said her family is "excited," and her mother is helping to plan the wedding. However, her fiancé's parents are concerned about her going into the Navy.

"Our friends were happy for us. Our families had mix feelings," Stanton said. "Her mother was hesitant at first, simply because she knew that my being in the military would make it difficult for Catherine to go to law school, which is what her mother wanted her to do. My mom was happy."

"Most people here are really excited for me," Dean said.

Rademacher said that people are also excited for her. "No one has said, ‘You're too young.'"

Jones said that a few people have suggested she was rushing into engagement, but said, "Nobody knows you better than yourself, and there's nobody I'd rather be with."

She said that she and her fiancé have the same group of friends, and people were happy for them.

Norwich students who become engaged often marry in their early 20s. Stanton was 22, Jones will be 21 and Clark hopes to marry in her 20s too.

Although each proposal ends with a ring, their methods of doing it were different.

Holland's fiancé proposed in front of the White Chapel with a wooden jewelry box he said he made for her, after which "a bunch of people started hooting and hollering."

Rademacher was proposed to in Abbott's apartment in North Carolina. Looking at a scrapbook of their dating years, she discovered a ring at the end of it.

Jones was proposed to at the airport.

Stanton's proposal was "at the rest area on the southbound of (Rt.) 89, just a few miles south of Burlington."

Both Rademacher and Clark said they would not want to be single at age 30. Still, nobody said their age influenced their decision to marry.

"It's something you should take your time with," Holland said. Although "it's a little intimidating," Holland said, "I think we're as prepared as you can really be for life."

"I've definitely grown up through college," she said. "A lot of people don't get engaged until they're established in life. It's nice to be able to get established together."

Holland said Norwich influences "some people" to marry, but "I don't think it did for me." She noted that many "people are going into the military, and they want that definite thing to come home to, or they do it for the benefits."

Rademacher said the military did not pressure her fiancé into proposing. "We didn't just do it to live together," she said, adding that, "I think it helps, both being in the military, because sometimes you'll get the one side where they don't understand military life."

Dean said two reasons could attribute to the number of marriages at Norwich: "(Either) people are just lucky in finding the right one, or they're rushing into it."

"We were one of the first ones for our class year to get engaged. In fact, I had the ring a week before I came to Norwich for Leaders Week," Stanton said.

Jones said that "we probably would have held off the wedding for a couple of years, but it's easier for joint-spouse paperwork." However, she said, "We knew from the beginning that we were perfect for each other."

Several Norwich students noted how the school changed their perspectives on marriage.

"I don't know if it was Norwich that changed me or if it was just growing up," Dean said. "Maybe Norwich helped me grow up. I ended up thinking it was a better idea than before."

"If you asked me a year and a half ago if I would be getting married, I would be like, no way," Jones said.

Holland said she never planned to get married until a year into her relationship with her fiancé.

Regarding marrying and commissioning, Stanton advised, "It's a lot less paperwork to get married before you commission, but I would recommend waiting until you know your active duty date, to be on the safe side. You could try the pick a date and hope for the best, but you should be aware of the consequences of picking the wrong date."

Stanton said, "We weren't able to have a honeymoon, because we spent the week after we got married packing up all of our stuff so that we could head to Seymour Johnson the following Friday."

Stanton said they got lucky because "the Air Force told me I was going active exactly one week after our planned wedding date, especially since they told me the day after we put the non-refundable deposits on the caterer's, and the place we were going to have the wedding and reception."

Whatever their situation, many engaged Norwich students picture themselves in positions similar to Stanton's after they graduate. Many will be taking their vows in May, a short half-year from today.